One of my friends sent me this enhanced, more humorous narrative. Hope you enjoy.
My van was in 3 repair shops for 16 weeks. The first shop said they don’t do the work that was required. The second shop was incompetent; after 6 weeks there I pulled it out as nothing got done. The final shop was actually the local Toyota dealer. They…eventually… fixed it (so far so good, anyway).
For your enjoyment, here is the narrative section of my (very large) repair bill. The capitalized portions are taken directly from the bill, that’s how they typed it up. The other comments are for your increased reading pleasure. Here we go:
I HOPE I EXCEEDED YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON THIS SERVICE VISIT. MY GOAL IS TO PROVIDE A TRULY EXCEPTIONAL OVERALL SERVICE EXPERIENCE SO YOU ARE COMFORTABLE RECOMMENDING OUR SERVICE DEPARTMENT TO OTHERS, CALL … WITH ANY QUESTIONS OR TO SCHEDULE YOUR NEXT APPOINTMENT.
(A lot of expectations were exceeded on this job, some of which could be considered to be related to the standard boilerplate feel good notes above. The problem is the direction of the exceedances!)CUSTOMER STATES THE VEHICLE WILL NOT START. VEHICLE HAS AN EXTENDED CRANK. CUSTOMER STATES WORK HAS RECENLTY BEEN DONE AT ANOTHER REPAIR FACLILTY TO THE HEAD GASKETS, CHECK AND ADVISE.
(Well, at least they didn’t say that the customer was an extended crank.)VEHICLE WILL NOT START, CRANK IS OK AT THIS TIME. HOOKED UP SCAN TOOL AND PULLED CODE P0356, INSPECTED THE IGNITION COILS AND FOUND THEM TO BE WORKING, CLEARED CODE AND CODE DID NOT RETURN. NO MORE CODES PRESENT, BUT THE VEHICLE WILL NOT START AT THIS TIME.
(Ah the wonders of computer diagnostics! There’s nothing wrong, but it won’t start either.)CHECKED THE VEHICLE SPARK AND FUEL DELIVERY AND CYLINDER COMPRESSION. CYLINDER COMPRESSION AT LESS THAN 50IBS ON WET OR DRY SIDE OF THE CYLINDERS TWO, FOUR AND SIX. VEHICLE WILL REQUIRE ENGINE REPLACEMENT.
(Here we go. They went with a used engine to save everyone money & trouble.)REPLACED THE ENGINE AND MOVED ELECTRICAL AND FUEL COMPONENTS, EXHAUST MANIFOLDS AND INTAKE, THERMOSTAT, WATER PUMP, HOSE CLAMPS AND SEALS. PERFORMED VEHICLE TEST DRIVE AFTER ENGINE REPLACEMENT, VEHICLE DISPLAYED CHECK ENGINE LIGHT WHILE ON TEST DRIVE.
(Ooops. I hate it when that happens.)HOOKED UP SCAN TOOL AND PERFORMED DIAGNOSIS ON CODES P0011, P0016. PERFORMED ACTIVE TEST AND THE VVTI HAD NO RESPONSE, CHECKED OIL CONTROL VALVE AND FOUND IT TO BE OK. SWITCHED VALVES AND PERFORMED TEST AND PULLED SAME CODE. INSPECTED AND FOUND NO DEBRIS, INSPECTED THE INTAKE AND CAM GEARS AND FOUND NO LOOSE PARTS. FOUND AN INTERNAL PROBLEM IN THE GEAR AND RECOMMEND TO REMOVE AND REPLACE ENGINE AND THEN RETEST.
(OK, this is new engine number 2 now. Just so you’re keeping track.)REMOVED AND REPLACED ENGINE AND PERFORMED TEST DRIVE, UPON TEST DRIVING THE VEHICLE THE VEHICLE BROKE DOWN. VEHICLE TOWED BACK TO DEALERSHIP.
(Ooops again! I reeeaally hate it when that happens.)PERFORMED DIAGNOSIS AFTER HAVING VEHICLE TOWED BACK TO DEALER, REMOVED THE OIL PAN AND FOUND PARTS OF THE PISTON IN THE OIL PAN.
(Bummer! I’m pretty sure most of the pistons should be in the cylinders.)INSPECTED CYLINDERS AND OK AT THIS TIME. RECOMMEND TO REMOVE AND REPLACE THE ENGINE.
(So, new engine number 3 now. Is there a 3 strike rule in this game?)RECEIVED NEW VEHICLE ENGINE, FOUND THE TIMING COVER TO BE LEAKING,
(After 3 engines, we’re looking at them more carefully now before we put them in.)PERFORMED TIMING COVER RESEAL AND CHECKED OPERATION. RESEALED TIMING COVER, TRANSFRED WATER PUMP, THERMOSTAT AND REPLACED THE REAR CRANK SEAL. REPLACED ENGINE AND PERFORMED VEHICLE TEST DRIVE.
(And made sure we brought our cell phones, just in case…. I think they drove it 20 miles around and around the block.)HOOKED UP SCAN TOOL AFTER TEST DRIVE AND NO CODES PULLED AT THIS TIME. NEW ENGINE HAS 42,000 MILES. VEHICLE WORKING AS PER DESIGN.
(What more could I want? It’s working like they designed it. What could possibly go wrong?)
Literary Ales 